Ugh! Marriage is Hard!

Warriors Arise: September 20, 2020

Whose the liar? Who told you marriage would be east? Better yet, who told you that once you got married all your problems would go away? I sure hope no-one what that big of a liar.

Today, I celebrate 23 years of marriage. And it is a celebration. I thank God we have made it this far. I celebrate that God will give us every year to follow. As much as I would like to brag on my husband I believe the Lord is wanting me to share something else.

Every marriage that is successful is because of one characteristic. Can you guess what that is? When I first started in ministry with my husband, he was a youth pastor. Every year the girls would want to talk about boys and I would use that time to talk about marriage. It isn't that you have somebody but that you have the right somebody. You are looking for someone who completes you.

I would ask them, "What is the one thing you need to make a marriage work, last, and be everything you dreamed it would be?" Every one of them said, "Love". As if it was an unnecessary question to ask. Love is need but you aren't always going to love that man. He will do something what is going to make you made. Without even thinking, he will do plenty of things that will hurt you. Most likely, he is going to forget your anniversary a couple of times and possibly your birthday. He will not answer to your every whim. He will not cater to your emotional rollercoasters. There are some things better left for God to handle, your emotions being one of them.

Many marriages get into trouble because of this one characteristic. People might say, "I fell out of love with him." To which I respond, "Then stand up and fall back into love with him." Once again, love is a choice. Yo can choice to dwell on the negative or you can choose to accept him for who he is, like you did before you said, "I do," therefore, you love him the way you did before you married him. What you put into getting married to your man is only a fraction of what you need to put into your man after you get married. This doesn't generally happen because of love it happens because of a particular characteristic every person needs in life and especially if they are planning to get married or are already married.

The one characteristic you must have is commitment. There are times when you like your husband but you don't love him. In those times you have to be a person of commitment. It is necessary for you to be willing to overlook his shortcomings and the things that irritate you. Forgive him for hurting you, forgetting your anniversary or birthday.

You just might have to be the one who plans for your anniversary celebration. As far as I know, my husband has never forgotten our anniversary, my birthday or Valentines. He generally starts a week early. Early in our marriage, the Lord asked me a question, "Who said it is the husband's responsibility to plan for and be the instigator of your anniversary?" I had to give this some thought. I had the expectation that my husband would always be the one to set up our anniversary plans. I don't know where it came from. Men get such a bad wrap when they don't remember their anniversary that is it like a test of their love for you if they don't remember or plan this amazing evening.

Since then, I have not put this expectation my husband. It really is unfair. When we were dating I told him I didn't like Valentine's day. It just seems like women set men up to fail. Who said that Valentine's day was only for the man to show his love and devotion to his wife? So, again, I was reminded about celebrating my love for my husband. When do women speak their words of affirmation to their husband? When do women plan special dates to be solely devoted to him for the evening? When do women remind their husband how smart they are, how capable they are, how amazing they are? Women, when was the last time you spoke words of encouragement to your husband without being reminded? When was the last time you affirmed him in his work? When was the last time he felt you appreciated what he did not he honey-do list? When was the list time he heard you praise him in front of others? Men the same questions apply to you. If you haven't done this in a while, then start today.

I can get so busy in my day-to-day life that I forget to honor my husband by recognizing all that he has done, how he provides for our family, and how he leads our family in Christ. I have to step back and see him. Really, see and acknowledge what he has done. I can withhold my encouragement, affirmation, and praise when I see all he hasn't done, but I would be in the wrong.

People sometimes have said that I have the perfect marriage to which I respond, "The only way there is a perfect marriage if you have two people who are willing to work through each problem as it comes up. Be willing to forgive immediately, with no strings attached. That is a perfect marriage." The list can never get longer than one. Be willing to admit with the problem is actually yours and yours alone.

We have to be honest with ourselves, with what really bothers us and out of those things how many of them are our own issue. Our spouse can't change what bothers us, we have to realize most of what bothers us has to do with us not our spouse. If you begin to try to change your spouse then they will no longer be the person you loved before marriage. Your spouse is not someone for you to change, they are someone you become one with. Even before Scott and I got marriage, I told people, he is the hand and I am the glove, we are one.

Father, I ask for you to come into my marriage. I ask for You to strengthen the characteristic of commitment in my life. I have allowed things in my marriage to separate me from the one I have vowed to love, cherish, and live the rest of my life. I want the vow to be full of love because I am committed to my spouse. I ask for You help me forgive them for the hurt they have caused me. I ask for You to erase from their mind the wrongs I have done. I ask for You to restore marriages all across America. I ask for You to minister to the broken, bring peace in the home where there has been pain. I ask for You to teach each one to be committed to loving and honoring each one. I pray for each home to put You into their marriage. I pray each one would recognize Your desire for marriage to be a blessings. I pray they would be open, seeking You for how to honor their spouse, how to love their spouse, and how to be committed to each other. I pray You would come and rebuild marriages. I pray for America to return to You and the establishment of marriage in Jesus' name Amen.

Happy 23rd Anniversary Scott! You are the love of my life. You complete me in every way! Thank you for the way you honor me, encourage me, and love me. I am a better wife because you are a wonderful man of God. I love you!

A Warrior in the Lord’s Army,

Veridee Joy

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